Is He Real?

Last night Tyler asked me the question I'd been waiting for (and dreading) for a couple years; "Mom, it Santa real?"  I stood there for a second gathering my thoughts as I looked at her innocent and trusting 10 year old face, and answered with, "No honey, Santa is not real.  But the spirit of Santa is very real."  I knew the question was coming, as her BFF, Abby, had been told about Santa a couple days ago.  I knew that Abby would tell her, because that's what kids do. 

We had an amazing heart-to-heart about Santa, Tuttau (her elf), the spirit of Christmas, and the holiday season.  I explained that our family "believes" in the spirit of giving, a child's innocent joy, and family traditions.  We reflected about the enjoyment she'd had with her daily searches for Tuttau and the wonderment of her bounding down the stairs on Christmas morning to see what Santa had brought.

With each, "Mom, remember the time that...," it seemed to become more and more clear to both of us how much she enjoys and appreciates the traditions of the season.  At one point, she said, "Mom, I can't believe how much you guys have done for me, without me even knowing."  Really Ty, how much we've done for you?  She has no idea how much she's done for me, without her knowing.  She has no idea that she's made me appreciate life and feel love like I never could have imagined.  She has no idea how much I adore her and live for her.  My hope is that she understands the love I have for her someday, perhaps when she has a child of her own to love the same way I love her.

 

I assured her that Santa will be coming to our house forever and that Tuttau will continue to hide (as long as she wants to look for him.)  I reiterated that we would always take our annual trip downtown to see the decorations, eat at the Walnut room, and enjoy treats and traditions of family and the season.  I told her we'd continue to bake cookies, decorate the house, and celebrate the season with friends and family, because that's what we "believe in," and that's what's actually "real."


We talked, laughed, reflected and cried (of course it was me crying, not her).  As she processed her newfound discovery, she continued to ask questions, mostly about logistics.  "But Mom, what about the time that...how could...).  I could watch and feel the wheels turning in her head as she tried to make sense of it all.

 

As she was going to bed, Ty told me that this news didn't change how she felt about Christmas.  She said she was just as excited about the season as she's ever been.  As I completed my day by moving her elf, I reflected myself about how I too was just as excited as ever, and how much I appreciate all that is "real" in the season.